“Forgiving Ourselves”
(Psalm 103:10-14)
I. Introduction.
A. Throughout this series of lessons on forgiveness, we’ve
emphasized one point consistently: Forgiveness is based
upon the atoning work of the cross, not on anything we
do – or can do. And, we have consistently emphasized,
also, that forgiveness restores our fellowship with God.
1. Sin removes us from God; He doesn’t remove
Himself from us.
2. Our capacity to have, and enjoy, forgiveness, to
have and enjoy a clear conscience, is based on our
willingness to acknowledge our sin and confess it
to God. (I John 1:6-9; READ)
B. There are three elements that make forgiveness complete:
1. We know we have forgiveness from God.
2. We are able to forgive others who have wronged us.
3. We are able to forgive ourselves when we have
made mistakes and caused hurt or harm.
4. Unless, and until, we make all three a part of our
lives, we have no peace. There is a difference
between feeling forgiven and being forgiven.
C. Being forgiven has to do with what God did for us
(Romans 5:8: “But God demonstrates His own love toward
us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”).
Feeling forgiven, and the spiritual peace that comes with
this, is what we can have for ourselves.
D. Think of two outstanding men of the New Testament:
Peter and Paul.
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1. Peter, out of fear, denied he even knew Jesus, after
spending over three years as one of Jesus’ closest
disciples, after seeing countless miracles, after
proclaiming, boldly, his own loyalty to Jesus and a
willingness to even die for Him (Luke 22:33: “But
[Peter] said to Him [Jesus], ‘Lord, I am ready to go
with you both to prison and to death.’”) Jesus’
response: “. . . ‘I tell you, Peter, the rooster shall
not crow this day before you will deny three times
that you know Me.’”
2. After his denial of Jesus: “. . . the Lord turned and
looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word
of the Lord. . . .” (Luke 22:61). Verse 62 says:
“So Peter went out and wept bitterly.”
3. How many times did Peter have to think about this
before he was able to forgive himself? This man
who told Jesus, “You can count on me,” could not
be counted on. Peter had to learn to forgive himself
for what he’d done.
4. And, the great evangelist, Paul? In the beginning
years of the church, his background, learning,
intensity, and commitment to Jehovah God, and his
faithfulness to Judaism had made him dedicated to
wiping out Christianity – a growing and
monstrous, teaching.
5. Paul was consumed with eradicating from peoples’
minds any remains of the man called Jesus. He put
all his efforts into destroying the Lord’s church.
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6. Our scriptural understanding of forgiveness is found
most clearly in the writings of Paul, but he had to
first, understand his own forgiveness from God for
his past life and actions. The “chief” of sinners
(I Timothy 1:15) could say: “. . .’Men and brethren,
I have lived in all good conscience before God until
this day.’” (Acts 23:1).
E. How many of us are still, or have been, struggling with
forgiving ourselves for things done in the past? In some
cases, things done years ago? The ability to forgive
ourselves is absolutely essential if we are to have any peace
in life. The psalmist assures us of God’s forgiveness
(Psalm 103). The difficulty is not with God, but within us.
1. What we really feel is disappointment with
ourselves. That disappointment confuses
measurement of our sin with merit for our
forgiveness.
2. Even though some sins bring greater condemnation
or chastisement in our life as a child of God, to God
Himself sin is sin. But to God, also, forgiveness is
forgiveness. When we choose not to forgive
ourselves, we then can expect to experience the
consequences of a self-imposed unforgiving spirit.
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II. The Consequences Of Not Forgiving Ourselves.
A. The first consequence of self-imposed lack of forgiveness
is that we continue to punish ourselves. How? By
replaying our sins continually. Satan initiates this, we
foolishly follow his lead. By not forgiving ourselves, we
put a constant burden upon ourselves. We imprison
ourselves in guilt. It’s a self-directed bondage that God
never intended we bear.
B. A second consequence is that we live with uncertainty.
Not accepting the idea of forgiveness from God, we live
with being not quite sure where we stand with God. What
will He do to me, because I am so unworthy of His
blessings. The reality is that God has not dealt with us
according to our sins, has not given us what we deserve
because of our sins (Psalm 103:10). But can we be sure He
will not punish us in the future?
C. This leads to a third consequence: a sense of unworthiness.
Satan encourages such a “guilt-trip” feeling. We replay the
sin/or sins in our mind, when God tells us He has forgotten
it, or them (Hebrews 8:12). Each time we replay the past,
not forgiving ourselves, our faith takes a beating and we
feel that much more unworthy.
D. The unforgiving spirit can also lead us to attempt to deal
with our guilt by compulsive behavior, or excesses in our
lives. This is a way of escape. Or, we can go to a
completely opposite extreme and deprive ourselves of
things God wants us to enjoy. Form of self-punishment,
and, also, of a lack of faith.
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1. We fail to show our faith in God because He tells us
that the sacrifice of His Son was for our
forgiveness. Why would He give the life of His
only Son to pay the necessary penalty for sin if we
have to pay that penalty ourselves?
2. Satan tries to interfere with our understanding of
forgiveness by insinuating we have selfish motives.
“I know why you want to believe you are forgiven.
I know why you want to think the debt for sin is
already paid. So that you can escape the
consequences of your actions. So that you won’t
have to pay a price for what you’ve done.”
3. Don’t allow Satan to confuse forgiveness with the
aftereffects, or consequences, of sin. We still may
have to deal with these, but our belief in the truth
of God’s word assures us we are forgiven. Faith
allows us to accept the forgiveness, the grace of
God (“For by grace you have been saved through
faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of
God.” Ephesians 2:10; Psalm 103:11; RE-READ).
E. What hinders our acceptance of the gift of forgiveness?
There are four general answers to that question.
1. Our belief in a performance-based forgiveness.
Here is where the difference between being
forgiven and feeling forgiveness is greatest. Grace
is an unmerited, undeserved, gift from God, that we
receive “pre-paid” (Ephesians 2:9: “not of works,
lest anyone should boast.”)
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2. Our difficulty is accepting the truth about ourselves.
We disappoint ourselves, not God. How can we
disappoint someone who knows us as well as God
does? (Psalm 103:14; RE-READ).
Disappointment is the result of unfulfilled
expectations. God knows well what to expect, or
not expect, from us.
3. Our adjustment and surrender, to guilt. Over time,
we become adjusted to what we know, and, if
what we know is guilt, we adjust to that. Why
battle guilt? Why not just surrender to it? To be
released from guilt, to “get out of prison,” we have
to change our thinking.
4. Fourth is our expectation of repeated sin. God’s
forgiveness is all-inclusive, regardless of the nature
of our sin, or the frequency of our sin. It’s the
“. . .seventy times seven. . .” of Matthew 18:22.
III. Conclusion: How Do We Forgive Ourselves?
A. Here, again, there are four biblical steps to follow:
1. Recognize the problem. The problem is, simply,
we have not forgiven ourselves, and that fact still
keeps us in guilt and bondage.
2. Repent of the sin. In doing so, pray to God and
confess to Him that you understand that an
unwillingness to forgive yourself is not right
according to His word. Thank Him for His
forgiveness and believe He has forgiven you.
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3. Reaffirm trust. Trust in the scriptures. Trust in a
verse like Psalm 103:12 (RE-READ). To reaffirm
trust is to renew one’s faith.
4. Finally, choose freedom. Accept the gift of grace,
by faith, and live free.
B. When we choose to accept what God has given us, and His
word as truth, we recognize God’s acceptance of us. He
loves us as we are, and saves us as we are. Break free from
the prison of guilt and let God forgive you – as we forgive
ourselves.